Am I incapable of empathy, or am I desensitised?

The world is crazy, but is that an excuse for my lack of response when I hear that a girl my age, someone so similar to me, was tormented in her final hours? Is that an excuse for the fact that I’m sad, but I don’t cry?

“Can you imagine?” No. But maybe in another lifetime, it would have been me instead of her. Would she have cried; would she have mourned? I don’t. Is that at a fault of my own?

If I didn’t know someone, should I experience that pain of loss? Am I a terrible person for thinking not? I hope not.

If I say I would suffer the experience of mourning her, purely because I would want her to mourn me, would want people to miss me, am I a narcissist? Am I selfish for wanting to be missed?

Why do I feel nothing but pity when learning of a tragedy overseas, in a country whose population cares more about weaponry than their own children? I should mourn them too, shouldn’t I? but god, it feels like there’s someone new to mourn every hour.

I think I hit the off switch on that part of my emotions; the empathetic, sensitive side. Do you know how to turn them back on?

Do I want to turn them back on?

Am I incapable, or am I simply sparing myself the pain?